It takes one to know one couldn’t be truer when it comes to being a Chef Wife. I have spent endless hours in search for a support group, a place to vent, laugh, cry, or just plain connect and relate with other women who truly know my struggles trying to live as a Chef Wife. These resources are scarce amongst our kind and so here is my attempt to bring a bit of salvation to all you lovely ladies out there playing second place to your husband’s first love “cooking”.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
More reasons to love our Chef Husbands
I love the way my husband takes control of his kitchen. He is pulled in all sorts of directions and never looses his cool. He can handle anything under pressure and I admire that. I know it sounds gross, but I love the way he smells when he comes home at night. It is a reminder of how hard he has worked for his family all day.
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Memoir of a Chef Wife
I am not a single mom, I am not a military wife, but I am somewhere in between these lifestyles with the title of Chef Wife. It takes certain strength to live as a Chef wife. It is like being married to rock star, well sort of. He is an artist, looks hot while working and has all kinds of women throwing themselves at him. In many ways you need to live like a Rock Star wife, you have to be confident and have a life of your own. Like Rock Stars your man is never around, surrounded by attractive women who flirt, and their nights are late and surrounded by alcohol. But, unlike Rock Stars the salary is left to be desired and you cannot head out on the road with them. Their restaurant is their first passion and it sucks the life out of them spitting out an exhausted, overworked, underpaid, underappreciated man on his few days off. When people find out my husband is a Chef their faces light up with excitement at the thought of how glamorous my life must be. The novelty is very short lived. Now add a child to the mix and I have gone from Chef Wife to Chef Nanny. He gets to stay out late with the crew to “unwind” take up smoking on occasion "for the stress” and drink beer to relax. While I am home all day and night sleep deprived and lonely. I will call him at 10:00pm to say goodnight, he will promise to be home in an hour, but instead he comes home at 3:00am to a clean bed reeking of broiled beef, fresh cut fish, cigarettes and alcohol. The next morning he will wake consume a pitcher of coffee while searching the internet for recipes, reading food critic blogs and answering text messages to purveyors. He will shower, while I iron his work pants and coat. My daughter and I will get a kiss goodbye along with an explanation of how “busy” he will be for the day and how he will be home late (what a shocker). He is out the door and the cycle continues.
Most people ask if my husband cooks fabulous meals for me all the time. My Chef husband, bless his heart, is never around to cook for me. Yes, on rare occasions he does make magnificent dinners for us, he is very talented. Unlike other Chef husband’s mine does love to cook on his days off, but I don’t want him spending the little time he has off in our kitchen cooking grand meals all day. I would rather get take out and have his attention on me and our daughter. I was excited to marry a Chef since I can’t cook. I don’t even know how to use the proper knives in the kitchen. The butter knife is an all purpose tool as far as I am concerned. Need to spread something use the butter knife, need to cut an apple or hot dog use the butter knife, need to stir the coffee use the butter knife, need to unclog the garbage disposal use the butter knife, etc…When I am not dinning in taste bud luxury with my man I am living on cereal, yogurt, nuts, fruit, chocolate and microwave dinners.
Even when my husband is home a lot of the time he has to spend time working on recipes etc… Other days he is just so beat from his work week that he simply doesn’t have the energy to hang out with his family. I completely understand this. I know I couldn’t handle being on my feet as long as he is and I couldn’t handle the stress of the kitchen. So, at these times I do sympathize with him, but it is also hard because I don’t get much time with him and I want it to be quality. I know he has to struggle with somehow creating the perfect balance between great Chef, Great Husband, Great Father and Great Friend. It isn’t easy to find this balance with the demanding hours and dedication being a Chef requires. He will always promise me that so on things will be better. There is always an excuse about being short staffed or having late walk ins or needing to put together a menu, etc… There is always more to do at the restaurant and for the restaurant. It is only with years of experience that I am learning that Things will never change or get better. This is as good as it gets. I know every Chef wife gets to her breaking point now and then and has to do some serious soul searching to determine if this is a life she can live with. I have always told my husband that having him around for a few hours a week was better than having a man I didn’t adore with all my heart full time. But sometimes I feel like throwing in the towel (yes that scratchy white restaurant towel with the stripe down the middle that always ends up in my laundry). Did I sign up for “to death do us part” or “to Chef do us part”?
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